eBooks

Scrambled Life?…
3 Secrets To Getting Your Life Back
Sally Franz
©2010
A Companion FunBook to:
Scrambled Leggs…A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey
Scrambled Life? (As found on Amazon)
Scrambled Life?…3 Secrets To Getting Your Life Back

Table of Contents
Lesson 1: Be Happy…finding happiness everyday
Lesson 2: People Count…sharing happiness with those around you
Lesson 3: Always Ask… asking for what you need
Lesson 4: The Stranger Within… getting to know the real you
Lesson 5: Final Cut…understanding the setbacks are more training
Lesson 6: Home Base…finding activities that offer accomplishment
Lesson 7: Picking Battles… dealing with anger as an ally
Lesson 8: Down Time… using daydreaming to solve problems
Lesson 9: Honest to God… meeting your destiny
Lesson 10: Victim Victory…using the team approach for victory

Scrambled Life?
“If you have a Scrambled Life, and you know it, say Amen. AMEN!”
“I mean if you’re seriously whacked up, cracked up, mangled and crazy…say Amen!” “AMEN!” “If you’re ‘Scrambled’ and you know it, then your life will surely show it…la la la”
Okie dokie, Welcome to the club you never wanted to be a member of The Scrambled Life Club. I am the new acting president after receiving my promotion from “Healthy-Wealthy-Athletic-Extreme Sports-Cool-Lady” to “Paralyzed-Learning to Walk Again- Old-Lady.”
This book is based on my humor/inspirational book Scrambled Leggs…A Snarky Tale of Hospital Hooey, at Amazon. In that book I tell the story of being struck down with an auto-immune disease that paralyzed me from the waist down in 30 minutes. It’s my story of dealing with hospitals, rehab and trying to adjust to my “New Normal” as I learned how to walk again…sorta.
FYI: if you are just having a bad day, you might not want to get down with us in this, Dirty Job? of sorting out what pieces we have left in life and figuring out how to rebuild a great life. But if you are on the mat, you probably already have a guest pass in.
For you non-sports types, being on the mat? is a wrestling term. I had a twin brother who always wanted to practice his moves on me in the middle of the TV show “Kung Fu”. “I know of this mat? up-close-and-personal. In my case it was a circular multi-colored braided family room mat.
Consider this, your life is like a game where 8 kids are sharing one small set of blocks. You want to build a bridge and a guy five times bigger than the state of Wyoming just swiped the last arch piece. So “who ya gonna call?” (If “Ghost Busters”, just went through your head, you watch a lot of old movies) But who you call and what you do NEXT makes a world of difference.
When you?re five, you figure out some other way of making a bridge. Maybe you use a shoe, or you trade „Wyoming-guy? four big blocks for the arch. You don?t stop trying, you figure out a way to make it happen. But then you probably weren’t knocked around all that much before you were five. “Scrambled Life?” is all about helping you put on that five year’s old determination again like a comfy sweater and together we are all going after getting our life back.
Oh, and if you still think it’s all up to just little ol’ you to pull it together, tough it out and figure it out… it may take a long time. By the by, there are no gold stars in heaven for being a loner, really. Why go there if you don?t have to? Detours stink; you know they do. There are maps with some straight roads on them, you might want to take a look and join other folks who are down the road a bit farther than you are and ask how they got there…just saying.
I grew up with two older sisters. Here’s what I did. I watched them to figure out how my parents would react to things. I watched to see what was the kind of thing that was enough trouble to get them grounded and I never did that. Well, actually, if I have to “cross my heart and hope to die?, I did do some of what they did, but I figured out how to do it and not get caught.
That was the beginning of my life’s quest for doing things smarter not harder. I don’t want my life to be any harder than it is. I want to get my life back every time it gets knocked out from under me. I don’t want to cling to, “It’s not fair”. But I do want to get to “my fair share.” Come on that’s not so much to ask, right? Right!
So if you’re not quite ready for the “Stairway to Heaven? this book is your quick pass to the new and improved “Freeway of Life?. And you can go 100 mph on this baby.
Just 3 secret steps and you are THERE. But honestly, first you are HERE. In pieces, hope fading and more stuff falling from the sky. It’s not fair, it’s not fun and it’s not stopping.
The Bible says, “lean not unto your own understanding” or to paraphrase it and borrow from Dr. Phil, “How’s that working for you?” If what you’re doing to get unstuck from crazy and broken isn’t working, then heads up.
And now, especially for you “A? personalities who want to get down to the real nitty- gritty and pronto…without any more “ado? here they are:

Faith
Curiosity and
Sarcasm, but above all Sarcasm!
Yuppers, that’s it.
Pretty simple.
Or is it? Hmmm???
While living in excruciating pain, in a body that was scrunched for good, with a life that was unraveling faster than a sweater in a pit bull’s mouth it occurred to me…I better figure out how to survive this.
As a result of my incident (suffice it to say enough physical compromises to be on 800 mgs of Neurotin five times a day plus Vicodon, Prozac and in the beginning Morphine, Methadone and whatever else I could get) these 3 Secrets are what I came up with after many many weeks in hospital rooms with the hourly threat of imminent death looming over my head.
In this book you will notice I use these three elements to problem solve and get the life I want. Join me in planning, trusting, and expecting answers from outlandish sources. And laughing along the way.
Faith: The choice of believing something is possible before it happens and with little proof it is possible. This is the chief ability of innovators and inventors and lackluster survivors such as moi.
Don?t think you have faith? Sure you do. Think of 3 things you can?t see that you know in your heart of hearts, against all logic, are real (ex. wind, love, the internet…you get the idea).
Think of 3 things you can?t touch but you know are real (ex. the sun, the speed of light, the nightly news…ok, sorta real).
Think of three things you can?t hear, but you believe are real (ex. a dog whistle, the taste of food, Lady Gagga’s attitude).
Yeah, you can do this. Trust me there is a loving God (Force, Higher Power, Lord, Omnipotent Being) out there who knows you by name. Try it and see what will happen next. You don’t have to worry if you don’t see, feel, or hear anything. You don?t even need to believe in God with a capital “G?. Because even when you don?t believe in an Almighty, this light of all lights believes in you. (And that is with a capital “Y-O-U?!)

Curiosity: This is the ability to step back and be willing to see a bigger picture and not assume that what is visible on the surface or in the present moment is all there is. This is the chief aptitude of archeologists, biologist and little kids who eat stuff they find in dryer vents.
There is curiosity and then there is stupid. The Darwin Awards are for the seriously brain lame. But there is curiosity that says, “I am reading a book, it has a sad, bad, mad chapter where it looks like everyone was just killed (let’s say the castle they were in burned down).”
Do you just put the book down and go to bed depressed? No you turn the page. You’ve just got to know what happened. Then, lo and behold, there was a secret tunnel. Everyone is saved. The castle is toast, but the people have another shot at life. (Hint: if you are ever a feudal lord, be nice to the peasants, you may end up sleeping in their barn one day).
Your life is not over just because it got messed up. Turn the page and read the next chapter. See where you are going to end up next. I’d gander a guess that any big change means a whole new territory to explore.

Can I guess what you are thinking? “So when did I sign up for having my life, love, face, leg, home, hope destroyed?” It’s in the fine print of your copy of “The Owners Manual and Guidebook to Life?. You know, the one that never got delivered. “Curse you cosmic postal system!”
Sarcasm: Sarcasm is HUMOR that has a purpose. It comments on the injustice in the world and nails the cause and effect.
If you have a healthy distain for the status quo and are willing to go beyond the bitterness to seek a solution you will see how sarcasm is the door to freedom. First you get to be very honest and brutally clear, then you make a joke by perhaps exaggerating the situation (although some stories are so bizarre they defy exaggeration). After your anger is assuaged, mollified and subdued you make a plan for improving the situation. This is the age old discipline of skeptics, court jesters and mothers from New Jersey.
If you go to the www.SarcasmSociety.com online you will see definitions that include:
Sarcasm: From the Greek word that means, “to strip off the flesh” or cutting humor.
Which I take to mean, cut the crap and cut to the chase. In other words, call the crazy making stuff what it is, out loud. You remember, “The King has no clothes on!”, “I’m mad as hell and I?m not going to take it anymore.”
Variations of sarcasm include:

Irony: Speaking with veiled meaning. Saying the opposite of what is so. Isn’t it ironic?
Satire: Northrop Frye once said satire is militant irony. I love to think of Capitol Steps, The Colbert Report and all the other great satire out there. Say it like it is, only funnier.
Banter: This is a playful teasing which can include rapid jokes. “Oh yeah? Yo momma is…!” If it is funny it has some truth behind it.
Cynicism: The Cynics were a group of Greek philosophers who sat around shooting the breeze all day, as best as I can tell. So where do you sign up for that gig? The word Cynic meant dog. (Hey, I like my dog.) In the beginning they were all about virtues and self-sufficiency which I guess that quickly turned into some kind of fight. It was probably about someone being “self-sufficient? by staying at someone’s house on the coach for 6 months. Anywho, the word Cynic got a bad rap.
And who knew? Using humor goes WAY back. The Greeks had Comedy and Tragedy, the Romans had some pretty bawdy cartoons on their spa walls (which probably started when they all swam in those lead lined hot tubs). The cavemen probably had it too. I am thinking of the drawing of men with spears with bigger animals right behind them. (Look, Grog chasing rabbit. Look Wooley Mammoth chasing Grog! Snort, snort.)
Speaking of court jesters. Their job? To do a wee bit of a jig during dinner poking fun at the different lords and ladies, whilst busting the ones that were trying to poison the king. Jesting today usually means we are busting ourselves. It is admitting our pain by telling the truth and laughing. You don’t have to make someone else feel bad to be funny, unless it’s about time they got a ‘laugh slap’ to rein them back.
REMEMBER! DO NOT make fun of someone within their ear shot (or heaven forbid, on the very public internet). Don’t rat on someone if you can’t run away, especially if they have access to big old Buick-sized pillows and know where you sleep! YOU’VE Been Warned.
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I invite you to discover how you these 3 secrets: Faith, Curiosity and Sarcasm work together in everyday life. And if you are ready they will help you to get your life back.
Think of these pages as a FunBook (no it’s not a workbook, it’s not homework, it’s fun… really). Let’s apply these 3 elements in real time with real nasty life changes, or as they say in the military: “The New Normal.”

“Scrambled Life?” is as I mentioned, based on my humor/inspiration book, “Scrambled Leggs…A Snarkey Tale of Hospital Hooey.” The quotes in bold at the beginning of each chapter are from that book.
See Amazon to read excerpts of Scrambled Leggs by Sally Franz. Or go to these YouTube links for some readings. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hssI05y2KpI In the Beginning
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kbeeWsNX5M My Wheelchair
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bel49ifJbJU The Cure

LESSON 1: Be Happy
I sighed, “if this is the last day I ever ski in my entire life, I will be a happy camper.” That’s what I said 15 minutes before my life fell apart. And I don’t even know why I said I’d be a happy camper, I hate camping.
Later, knowing I’d never ski again, I thought, “ok, what else makes me happy?? I made a list of very simple things I love (fresh linens, flowers, birds, cheesecake, prisms). I choose to have ONE of these items (at least) in my life every day. I’ve observed that if someone has a long list of improbable, expensive things (new car, win at Lotto) ALL of which MUST happen on one single day before they will allow themselves to be happy, then likely they will die of sorrow. Or worse yet, they may be a carrier and make those around them suffer. So let’s get to THE HAPPY LIST.
FLASH!!! LEARNING ZONE AHEAD:
Write down what simple (cheap or free) things make you happy.
But here’s the catch. They cannot be dependent on specific people fulfilling them. Marshal Rosenberg of Compassionate Communication fame (www.cncv.org) says this: Having a legitimate emotional need and making it person specific = the recipe for agony.
Huh?
I thought happiness meant having the right person (boss, landlord, accountant) in your life. It turns out that doesn?t work because all people have weaknesses and faults. No one person can meet your every need all the time. That means if you choose to be happy (and it is a choice) you must give up your demands on how happiness will occur.

You cannot guarantee that one person will be “the answer? for a lifetime of happiness. NOT everyone is going to be around (because they died, leave or are unable or can?t give you what you need). If you refuse to have life any other way but the first way you imagined happiness should be for you…it means postponing your own happiness, maybe forever. Now that?s silly isn’t it? Everyday should be filled with joy and laughter everyday.
As they say, “You can be RIGHT (demand life on your terms aka “my way or the highway?) or you can be REAL (experiencing the joy of what you have in front of you).?
Therefore on your list…instead of saying, “I want my spouse to hold me and love me again”, try omitting a specific person and just list: “Being held”, “Getting a back rub” (see no person named). I know at first it doesn’t feel good, but work with me.
Try to list things that make you feel alive. These things should illicit a sense of peace, joy, excitement or fun. Hint: try listing things that appeal to your senses: taste, fragrance, textures, warmth, coolness, sight, sounds, music. You can also list things that make you think funny thoughts and smile, laugh or giggle. For example: jokes, memories of growing up that still make you laugh, reciting a poem in your head, even camp songs (“A peanut sat on a railroad track,” etc).
Ready, Set, Go!
(Your Name here)   ___________________’s Happy Things List
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2o.

In the right-hand margin of your Happy List write down what emotional need this meets.
Huh?
A basic need is: love, joy, fun, surprise, beauty, safety, belonging, comfort, peace, connection, autonomy, normal/accepted.
Be curious as to what makes you happy and keep looking for more things each day. Remember we are not talking about THE BIG IMPOSSIBLE HAPPY (Life reverses to the day before I ended up like this. I wake up and for one whole day I pass as normal).
What any of us wouldn’t give for one day of feeling good, looking good, and no stares.
Yup, in a perfect world, I’d get THAT life back. Okay, space cadets let’s all come back down off the helium and talk reality. Let’s work with what we’ve got access to.
Why are we doing this Happy List? The beginning of feeling normal and getting a life back begins with simple things. Allowing joy and peace back into your hearts is the first step. Trauma and loss can close the heart down. Our brains freeze. We get outright stubborn and start arm wrestling and bargaining with God (Elizabeth Kubler Ross, “Death and Dying”).

It’s as if I say, “If I can?t have what I want, my way, I refuse to let any other good thing in”. Again, pretty silly. Wallowing isn’t one of the steps toward getting your life back. It’s like sitting in the muck with the pigs versus having ham for dinner. Get aggressive about being happy. Enjoying life in the moment really is one thing we were designed to do while we are still here on planet earth. (Watch kids at the beach with a pail and shovel, they just play. It’s enough.)
Great, now go back to your list and circle the Happy Things you can have right away, today. A memory, a chocolate chip cookie, a whiff of fresh oranges.
*Star the ones that are free.
Highlight the ones you can do by yourself (recite a poem in your head, listen to music).
Figure out a way to delight yourself, all by yourself. (Congratulations I think you just became a cynic…virtuous and self-sufficient, ha ha.).

Good, now practice being HAPPY, EVERYDAY!